Paste the message you got. We'll show you the pattern in it, not a verdict on you or them.
$0 to start. No signup. Nothing stored.
reFrame™ reads the messages you get and the ones you’re about to send. Flip the switch. Pick a message. Watch the pattern surface.
You’re overreacting. I never said that. You always twist everything I say.
Reality gets rewritten so you doubt your own memory. Naming it out loud is how you stop absorbing it.
“That’s not how I remember it, and I’m not going to argue about whether it happened.”
17 patterns: 10 toxic and 7 healthy, across 15 relationships. We detect. We don’t diagnose.
I destroyed my marriage with patterns I didn't know had names. Contempt. Criticism. Defensiveness. Stonewalling. I used all four consistently and when they're used in tandem, they're deadly to any relationship. But it wasn't just how I talked, it was how I lived. The priorities I chose. The damage I ignored. The people I hurt with the conscious choices I made regardless of who and how it impacted them.
My wife built the courage to leave me. Filed for divorce…and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, because for the first time, someone held a mirror to my face and I actually looked.
What came next wasn't quick and it wasn't clean. Therapy, yes. But also thousands of hours of work outside that room, self-education, journaling about my day until I could finally see myself in it honestly. Hard conversations I didn't want to have and realities I've never faced before. Years of tearing down who I was in order to rebuild from the foundation up.
We ultimately remarried. Not because time healed anything, but because the work changed who I was and how I showed up.
I built reFrame so nobody else has to lose everything before they learn what I learned. The patterns aren't just in your words. They're in your habits, your reactions, the things you do on autopilot that hurt the people closest to you. If you can name them, you can change them.
I'm the chainbreaker in my family. The generational cycle stops with me.
Neal, Founder
Read the full story →When someone types something that isn't a relationship pattern anymore, reFrame stops everything. No analysis. No reframe. Just the right resources, instantly, for every user, at no cost, no signup.
Because safety should never be behind a paywall, or a loading screen.
Every reframed message is built on the same three principles, informed by established relationship science including Gottman’s pattern taxonomy. The same patterns show up in the conversations that heal and the ones that don’t.
Do I have control right now?
Every message you regret started because the feeling moved faster than the thought. This is the pause you wish you’d taken.
Does this honor the other person’s dignity?
Your point might be valid. But if the delivery destroys the person hearing it, you lost the conversation before it started.
Can I come back from this?
Some messages end arguments. Some end relationships. This is the question that tells you which one you’re about to send.
Whether you're writing it or reading it, see what's really there before it's too late.
Try reFrame$0 to start. No signup. No data stored.
Need to read a whole situation, not one message? reFrame the Situation →